Ten things about me.
1. I have eczema. Sometimes, like right now in this dreadful dry winter air, it's pretty severe. The itchy red flaky patches, extra heavy dandruff kind. I normally control it with prescription cream or hide it with makeup.
2. I really like Elvis.
3. I really like Eminem also.
4. There is a very large black woman named Shaniqua that lives inside of me. She likes cheesecake. A lot.
5. Shaniqua also likes to come out to yell at people.
6. I suffer from road rage. I TRY to control it, but it comes out more than I would like.
7. I enjoy being single.
8. I enjoy shopping and dining out alone occasionally.
9. I have never been to a Disney park.
10. I have never seen E.T. Or a single complete Star Wars movie. And I don't care if I ever do.
Now I want to here facts about you! Surprise me!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
When are you going to have children?
"When are YOU going to have children?"
This question was posed to me recently by my Granny after she told me about my cousin knocking up his girlfriend and their impending shotgun wedding. My Granny knows I'm gay and single. She refuses to acknowledge it and routinely tries to set me up with various girls that she finds acceptable. I always deflect the setups and try to convince Granny that, while I do like some kids occasionally, I'm not cut out for having my own.
Her question did get me thinking ( a dangerous pastime, I know).
"Why are we incomplete without children?"
Men and women of a certain age who are childless are often looked at with pity at their offspring "predicament". We are considered immature and irresponsible if we have chosen to not have children. There must be something wrong with us. Who wouldn't want children? Don't we realize that we aren't living up to our full potential by not having kids? Obviously our lives and our households are empty and devoid of life because of our choice. Somehow we have no way of knowing what love really is because we don't have a child telling us at bedtime that they love us. Somehow our lives are unfulfilled if we don't model them after Donna Reed or Leave it to Beaver.
I take umbrage with this perception. It is MY choice not to have kids. As I said before, there are some kids I like. But, as a general rule, I don't like kids. They are a section of the population I wouldn't choose to spend my time with. I've heard all the arguments for having a child. However, they're meaningless to me. I get unconditional love from my dog. Plus, I can leave her at home alone even though she's only three years old.
It annoys me that people believe there is something "wrong" with me because I'm truly happy living a childless life. But I know myself better than anyone else. I know I'm too selfish for a child. In my world, I COME FIRST. I'm simply not a "family" man. Soccer games, elementary school plays, family trips to the zoo, cuddling with kids while watching "The Little Mermaid", all are visions of Hell to me. I like to go out without having to worry about the time because my babysitter and kids have school in the morning. I like knowing that my house won't be a disaster area with toys scattered on the floor to step on. I like being able to take off on a road trip anytime the mood strikes me.
None of these things make me any less than the vast majority of the world population that has chosen that happy family lifestyle. It is simply not for me. I just don't get it when people think it's bad, or sad that I'm single and childless.
This question was posed to me recently by my Granny after she told me about my cousin knocking up his girlfriend and their impending shotgun wedding. My Granny knows I'm gay and single. She refuses to acknowledge it and routinely tries to set me up with various girls that she finds acceptable. I always deflect the setups and try to convince Granny that, while I do like some kids occasionally, I'm not cut out for having my own.
Her question did get me thinking ( a dangerous pastime, I know).
"Why are we incomplete without children?"
Men and women of a certain age who are childless are often looked at with pity at their offspring "predicament". We are considered immature and irresponsible if we have chosen to not have children. There must be something wrong with us. Who wouldn't want children? Don't we realize that we aren't living up to our full potential by not having kids? Obviously our lives and our households are empty and devoid of life because of our choice. Somehow we have no way of knowing what love really is because we don't have a child telling us at bedtime that they love us. Somehow our lives are unfulfilled if we don't model them after Donna Reed or Leave it to Beaver.
I take umbrage with this perception. It is MY choice not to have kids. As I said before, there are some kids I like. But, as a general rule, I don't like kids. They are a section of the population I wouldn't choose to spend my time with. I've heard all the arguments for having a child. However, they're meaningless to me. I get unconditional love from my dog. Plus, I can leave her at home alone even though she's only three years old.
It annoys me that people believe there is something "wrong" with me because I'm truly happy living a childless life. But I know myself better than anyone else. I know I'm too selfish for a child. In my world, I COME FIRST. I'm simply not a "family" man. Soccer games, elementary school plays, family trips to the zoo, cuddling with kids while watching "The Little Mermaid", all are visions of Hell to me. I like to go out without having to worry about the time because my babysitter and kids have school in the morning. I like knowing that my house won't be a disaster area with toys scattered on the floor to step on. I like being able to take off on a road trip anytime the mood strikes me.
None of these things make me any less than the vast majority of the world population that has chosen that happy family lifestyle. It is simply not for me. I just don't get it when people think it's bad, or sad that I'm single and childless.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
On giving thanks.
Good evening kitttens! With another holiday season going full steam ahead I've seen a few of those 30 day thankfull things on facebook. I don't really like those things that want you post a multiple number of things over multiple days. I forget. It's too much to worry about. I prefer the ease of a single blog post. So here goes.
After my whole ordeal at the start of this year, some things have changed for me. I consider it to be great day when I wake up, stretch, and am able to have my coffee with Matt Lauer and Anne Curry. I was very close to not doing that ever again.
I really don't sweat the small stuff. And it really is all small stuff. I was rather laid back before; now I'm pretty much kickin it in Margaritaville.
I absolutely hold to the line "live each day like it's the last". I have no idea when something might go wrong and I want to do as much as I can before that day comes. Fingers crossed that day is a long, long way off.
Of course I'm thankfull for the usual friends, family, all of my material things, my dogs, and my cat. That said, I hope you all enjoy the holidays, with it's stress, parties, endless string of cookies, pies, and candies, family dinners, and crowded shopping malls. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Chrismakwanzicka to everyone.
P.S. I know I didn't spell Chrismakwanzicka right. Oh well.
After my whole ordeal at the start of this year, some things have changed for me. I consider it to be great day when I wake up, stretch, and am able to have my coffee with Matt Lauer and Anne Curry. I was very close to not doing that ever again.
I really don't sweat the small stuff. And it really is all small stuff. I was rather laid back before; now I'm pretty much kickin it in Margaritaville.
I absolutely hold to the line "live each day like it's the last". I have no idea when something might go wrong and I want to do as much as I can before that day comes. Fingers crossed that day is a long, long way off.
Of course I'm thankfull for the usual friends, family, all of my material things, my dogs, and my cat. That said, I hope you all enjoy the holidays, with it's stress, parties, endless string of cookies, pies, and candies, family dinners, and crowded shopping malls. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Chrismakwanzicka to everyone.
P.S. I know I didn't spell Chrismakwanzicka right. Oh well.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Carmax SUCKS!
Carmax sucks! I'm so fed up with them I'm dizzy from the anger and frustration. A single repair has literally taken a month to complete. At the beginning of October I had Henri in to their service center because coolant was leaking from the engine. At that time, I was told a head gasket needed to be replaced, however it couldn't be done at the Easton location; it would need to be done at the Sawmill location. I was also told that they would need to order the part in and they didn't have any openings until the following week and the Sawmill tech would call me to let me know when they would be ready for me to bring Henri in.
So I wait. And wait. And wait some more. Thursday of the following week comes and I have yet to hear from the Sawmill tech. So I call. He has no idea what I'm talking about. He claims nothing was sent to him about the repair, that he has no record of it at all. And this confuses me. This confuses me because before I left the Easton location I asked if I could just drop off the car on my way home so it was there and ready to go when the part came in and the Easton tech told me she called the Sawmill tech and that was when she was told no, they wouldn't be able to do the repair until the following week. So what gives? Why do they now have no idea what I'm talking about at Sawmill. Strike one.
So the Sawmill tech contacts the Easton tech and gets the information and orders the part, thus delaying the repair until the following Tuesday. So, last week I drop off Henri with the understanding that the repair would be a couple of days, but should be done by Friday. Wednesday comes. I get an update call from the Sawmill tech explaining that I do not need a new headgasket, instead I need a new water pump. He tells me the Easton tech misdiagnosed it but the claim was submitted for warranty approval and the part was ordered and hopefully the repair would be done by Monday. Strike two.
Today I get and update call that the repair was still in process and may be done b y Tuesday afternoon at the earliest. Strike three. I'm really pissed now. I had an appointment for a separate repair for tomorrow that I was forced to reschedule. I don't understand the lack of competency in the Carmax repair center. So I'm not stuck in my third week of not having a car. And I'm NOT happy. I've written a letter to Carmax corporate expressing my extreme disappointment and frustration with this experience. Hopefully their corporate can provide better customer service than their Easton and Sawmill locations have been able to provide.
So I wait. And wait. And wait some more. Thursday of the following week comes and I have yet to hear from the Sawmill tech. So I call. He has no idea what I'm talking about. He claims nothing was sent to him about the repair, that he has no record of it at all. And this confuses me. This confuses me because before I left the Easton location I asked if I could just drop off the car on my way home so it was there and ready to go when the part came in and the Easton tech told me she called the Sawmill tech and that was when she was told no, they wouldn't be able to do the repair until the following week. So what gives? Why do they now have no idea what I'm talking about at Sawmill. Strike one.
So the Sawmill tech contacts the Easton tech and gets the information and orders the part, thus delaying the repair until the following Tuesday. So, last week I drop off Henri with the understanding that the repair would be a couple of days, but should be done by Friday. Wednesday comes. I get an update call from the Sawmill tech explaining that I do not need a new headgasket, instead I need a new water pump. He tells me the Easton tech misdiagnosed it but the claim was submitted for warranty approval and the part was ordered and hopefully the repair would be done by Monday. Strike two.
Today I get and update call that the repair was still in process and may be done b y Tuesday afternoon at the earliest. Strike three. I'm really pissed now. I had an appointment for a separate repair for tomorrow that I was forced to reschedule. I don't understand the lack of competency in the Carmax repair center. So I'm not stuck in my third week of not having a car. And I'm NOT happy. I've written a letter to Carmax corporate expressing my extreme disappointment and frustration with this experience. Hopefully their corporate can provide better customer service than their Easton and Sawmill locations have been able to provide.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Where I've been
Hello kittens! I've been away for quite awhile but I have a good excuse. I was gravely ill. Knocking on death's door. Literally. Now I know some of you know the exact story and most of you know a little bit, but I decided I wanted to set the record straight and tell the story.
It started the week before Christmas 2010 when I was feeling tired and run down and achy, kind of flu-like. I attributed it to a cold, took over the counter meds and went to work every day. Until Christmas day. I was sitting at my desk, struggling to get warm, and started throwing up. I told my supervisor and he was kind enough to let me go home. At home I continued throwing up, came down with a massive headache and still had issues with being warm enough. My mom asked if I wanted to go to the ER, I refused saying I would wait until morning and see how things were then.
Come morning I was convinced I had meningitis and wanted to go to the ER. After 6 hours in the ER I was sent home with a Z-pack and a diagnosis of a sinus infection and a bit of dehydration. So I came home with my medicine and a work note for two days and expected to return to work on Thursday.
We now come to Wednesday morning. I have diligently taken my meds and still feel awful. In fact, at this point I feel worse. I have a headache that refuses to go away(oh and the ER doc told me to take Motrin for that) and I'm still throwing up. I call my family doctor. They squeeze me in in the afternoon, confirm the ER doctor's earlier diagnosis and give me Avelox and a cough syrup and a note for work for the rest of the week.
Now we come to the weekend. I had spent most of this week in bed and on Sunday I felt so horrible I had to do something. Return trip to the ER. I was in terrible pain from the headache, and I remember crying on my Dad's shoulder while we were in the waiting area because it hurt so bad. Finally I was taken back, given some pain meds, and tests were done. Several hours later I was admitted. I remember being in my hospital room Sunday night and Monday although alot of it is foggy due to pain meds. Then the hospital suspected I had TB. So I was moved to a private room, then the decision was made to transfer me to OSU medical center because my local hospital knew that I was very sick, but they don't have the equipment or specialists to deal with something like TB.
I remember the ambulance service picking me up in Bellefontaine but after that I have no memory for about two weeks. So this next part is related from what I've been told happened. Upon arrival at OSU, I started throwing up again so I placed in an ICU unit. After I stabalized I was moved to another ICU unit because I still had the severe headache and couldn't keep anything down. I was finally diagnosed with Cryptococcyl Meningitis and Cryptococcyl Pneumonia. These are fungal infections. These usually come from bird droppings. I live on a farm and used to clean chicken eggs on a near daily basis, so I can only assume that one time I didn't wash my hands adequately and then touched my mouth or eyes or nose and that's how I got it. So lesson to be learned kittens, ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS!!!
Now the big problem we were having is the pressure in my head on my brain. It was getting dangerously high. So the doctors wanted to put a tube in my brain to drain off excess fluid and relieve some of the pressure on my brain. My parents were called for authorization since I was not lucid and on that Saturday I went into surgery. And this is where it gets bad kittens. My family was told the surgery would take about 45 minutes, so they went to the waiting area. After 45 minutes they headed back, only to find several more doctors there. A nurse told them it would be a few more minutes and directed them to a waiting area. Then a doctor and a pastor came to see my parents. I was going code blue. I had quit breathing and they were convinced I wasn't going to make it. Not to worry though kittens, I pulled through!! Now I was unconsious for most of the following week and don't remember anything until I woke up in restraints. Now I guess I needed them because I tried to take out my feeding tube and I kept trying to get up. I thought I had things to do!
So, I became more lucid and aware of what was going on and was then moved to a private room where I spent the next two weeks or so. The drain was effective in keeping the pressure off my brain, but I had to lay flat, I couldn't move, I had this tube sticking out of my head connected to a bag, I still couldn't keep anything down, I still had headaches, and I was exhausted. I slept ALOT. So the decision was made to try to ween me off the drain and I could hopefully be released. If not, I would go in for another surgery to put a shunt in my brain, running from my brain to my stomach to relieve the pressure. So we tried shutting my drain off. It was not a good thing. I spent a day and a half with massive migraine pain and proved that I couldn't be off the drain without severe consequences. So we did surgery. They went in and put a shunt in my brain, then ran a tube down to my stomach area where the fluid can be absorbed and I can pee it out. After the surgery, It was like a brand new day. My headache pain was gone, all I had was a bit of incision pain from the three incisions they did to put in the shunt, and I was extremely tired, but I felt much better.
So on my birthday; January 29; I was released from the hospital. I had spent almost a month there, a couple of weeks I had no memory of, it was my 32nd birthday but I was going home. Now mind you, I walked about like a newborn giraffe and had to have help the whole way from the garage to the couch where I passed out for about 5 hours. I spent two days on the couch, then moved upstairs to my bed where I stayed for about 4 days. I slept ALOT. I still sleep ALOT.
Since my release from the hospital, I've been steadily improving although there have been a few setbacks. I had some dehydration issues and I still don't eat very well, but I'm walking better than I was. I do get bored sometimes during this recovery but all in all it's ok. I can't drive myself anywhere yet and my doctor has told me I won't be able to return to work until next year so I make do with cooking shows and magazines and books. I can say I'm grateful just to be alive, no matter how bored I get.
It started the week before Christmas 2010 when I was feeling tired and run down and achy, kind of flu-like. I attributed it to a cold, took over the counter meds and went to work every day. Until Christmas day. I was sitting at my desk, struggling to get warm, and started throwing up. I told my supervisor and he was kind enough to let me go home. At home I continued throwing up, came down with a massive headache and still had issues with being warm enough. My mom asked if I wanted to go to the ER, I refused saying I would wait until morning and see how things were then.
Come morning I was convinced I had meningitis and wanted to go to the ER. After 6 hours in the ER I was sent home with a Z-pack and a diagnosis of a sinus infection and a bit of dehydration. So I came home with my medicine and a work note for two days and expected to return to work on Thursday.
We now come to Wednesday morning. I have diligently taken my meds and still feel awful. In fact, at this point I feel worse. I have a headache that refuses to go away(oh and the ER doc told me to take Motrin for that) and I'm still throwing up. I call my family doctor. They squeeze me in in the afternoon, confirm the ER doctor's earlier diagnosis and give me Avelox and a cough syrup and a note for work for the rest of the week.
Now we come to the weekend. I had spent most of this week in bed and on Sunday I felt so horrible I had to do something. Return trip to the ER. I was in terrible pain from the headache, and I remember crying on my Dad's shoulder while we were in the waiting area because it hurt so bad. Finally I was taken back, given some pain meds, and tests were done. Several hours later I was admitted. I remember being in my hospital room Sunday night and Monday although alot of it is foggy due to pain meds. Then the hospital suspected I had TB. So I was moved to a private room, then the decision was made to transfer me to OSU medical center because my local hospital knew that I was very sick, but they don't have the equipment or specialists to deal with something like TB.
I remember the ambulance service picking me up in Bellefontaine but after that I have no memory for about two weeks. So this next part is related from what I've been told happened. Upon arrival at OSU, I started throwing up again so I placed in an ICU unit. After I stabalized I was moved to another ICU unit because I still had the severe headache and couldn't keep anything down. I was finally diagnosed with Cryptococcyl Meningitis and Cryptococcyl Pneumonia. These are fungal infections. These usually come from bird droppings. I live on a farm and used to clean chicken eggs on a near daily basis, so I can only assume that one time I didn't wash my hands adequately and then touched my mouth or eyes or nose and that's how I got it. So lesson to be learned kittens, ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS!!!
Now the big problem we were having is the pressure in my head on my brain. It was getting dangerously high. So the doctors wanted to put a tube in my brain to drain off excess fluid and relieve some of the pressure on my brain. My parents were called for authorization since I was not lucid and on that Saturday I went into surgery. And this is where it gets bad kittens. My family was told the surgery would take about 45 minutes, so they went to the waiting area. After 45 minutes they headed back, only to find several more doctors there. A nurse told them it would be a few more minutes and directed them to a waiting area. Then a doctor and a pastor came to see my parents. I was going code blue. I had quit breathing and they were convinced I wasn't going to make it. Not to worry though kittens, I pulled through!! Now I was unconsious for most of the following week and don't remember anything until I woke up in restraints. Now I guess I needed them because I tried to take out my feeding tube and I kept trying to get up. I thought I had things to do!
So, I became more lucid and aware of what was going on and was then moved to a private room where I spent the next two weeks or so. The drain was effective in keeping the pressure off my brain, but I had to lay flat, I couldn't move, I had this tube sticking out of my head connected to a bag, I still couldn't keep anything down, I still had headaches, and I was exhausted. I slept ALOT. So the decision was made to try to ween me off the drain and I could hopefully be released. If not, I would go in for another surgery to put a shunt in my brain, running from my brain to my stomach to relieve the pressure. So we tried shutting my drain off. It was not a good thing. I spent a day and a half with massive migraine pain and proved that I couldn't be off the drain without severe consequences. So we did surgery. They went in and put a shunt in my brain, then ran a tube down to my stomach area where the fluid can be absorbed and I can pee it out. After the surgery, It was like a brand new day. My headache pain was gone, all I had was a bit of incision pain from the three incisions they did to put in the shunt, and I was extremely tired, but I felt much better.
So on my birthday; January 29; I was released from the hospital. I had spent almost a month there, a couple of weeks I had no memory of, it was my 32nd birthday but I was going home. Now mind you, I walked about like a newborn giraffe and had to have help the whole way from the garage to the couch where I passed out for about 5 hours. I spent two days on the couch, then moved upstairs to my bed where I stayed for about 4 days. I slept ALOT. I still sleep ALOT.
Since my release from the hospital, I've been steadily improving although there have been a few setbacks. I had some dehydration issues and I still don't eat very well, but I'm walking better than I was. I do get bored sometimes during this recovery but all in all it's ok. I can't drive myself anywhere yet and my doctor has told me I won't be able to return to work until next year so I make do with cooking shows and magazines and books. I can say I'm grateful just to be alive, no matter how bored I get.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Horror Film Help
Hello kittens!! Halloween is fast approaching and it is one of my holidays next to Christmas. So that said, I need some help if anyone out there in the blogger world can possibly help me. A couple of years ago I saw a movie on TCM that I loved!
It was a very old film, I would guess from the 30's or early 40's. The storyline was this couple who bought a manor house located on a cliff in England. After they bought the house they learned that the previous occupant had killed herself or died of grief after her child died. I think the kid fell off the cliff but I can't remember. Anyway, the spirit of the woman haunted the house until the new owners figured out what happened and set the spirit free. For the time it was made, the special effects were great, and the story really sold the movie. I really would like to see it again, but I don't know what it was called and haven't been able to find it anywhere online. Help anyone?
It was a very old film, I would guess from the 30's or early 40's. The storyline was this couple who bought a manor house located on a cliff in England. After they bought the house they learned that the previous occupant had killed herself or died of grief after her child died. I think the kid fell off the cliff but I can't remember. Anyway, the spirit of the woman haunted the house until the new owners figured out what happened and set the spirit free. For the time it was made, the special effects were great, and the story really sold the movie. I really would like to see it again, but I don't know what it was called and haven't been able to find it anywhere online. Help anyone?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Heartbreaker
Hello kittens! How have you all been during this gorgeous week that we've had here in central Ohio? I've enjoyed the weather, warm days with nice cool nights perfect for a hot apple cider with rum and snuggling under a blanket with a good book.
Last Monday was also National Coming Out Day. I made a post on Facebook about my support for all the issues affecting the Gay community. Then came Tuesday. I'm sitting at work when I check my Blackberry and find I have a text form my mother. It reads;
" Just how am I supposed to react to your anouncement on your facebook? Well this is how I feel very disgusted and I do not like it I do not support it. You were not raised that way. You are making me sick just thinking about it. And if you continue to be that way then you will have to get you a place to live because I'm thinking of disowning you I can not believe you. It's shameful. I do not want to talk to you until you straighten up."
I replied, "What are you talking about?"
To which she replied, "About opening up and saying you are a gay man."
Me, "Seriously? Disown me? You're being ridiculous."
Her, " No I am not you need to get that shit out of your mind now why did you post it it is sickening."
So when I came back from work I honored her request and warmed up a can of soup for dinner and spent the rest of the night in my room so I wouldn't shame her. Since then she's been talking to me, but only to make passive aggressive remarks. She told me I did nothing except "cause her heartache" and she looks at me with this mixture of hatred, shame, and disapointment.
Quite frankly, it pisses me off. I don't expect her to be all supportive and don rainbow themed clothes and march in a parade but I would like just a little support. Or if that's too much, then simply nothing. No acknowledgement, no dirty looks, no passive aggressive comments, just nothing. I can handle "nothing" better than being told I'm sickening and there is something wrong with me. So I have another chapter in the story of my uneasy relationship with my family. It's never been a great one, they don't understand me, think I'm weird because I read books and attend live theater and I'm a Democrat and they find me very strange and just don't understand me. I've grown accustomed to fact that I'm never going to have the great family relationship you see in movies or on tv or even in other families. I'm never going to have June Cleaver( RIP Barbara Billingsley) for a mother, or even a nice accepting woman for a mother. I can't change who she is, I can't make her give up her bigotry or her hatred, no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it.
Last Monday was also National Coming Out Day. I made a post on Facebook about my support for all the issues affecting the Gay community. Then came Tuesday. I'm sitting at work when I check my Blackberry and find I have a text form my mother. It reads;
" Just how am I supposed to react to your anouncement on your facebook? Well this is how I feel very disgusted and I do not like it I do not support it. You were not raised that way. You are making me sick just thinking about it. And if you continue to be that way then you will have to get you a place to live because I'm thinking of disowning you I can not believe you. It's shameful. I do not want to talk to you until you straighten up."
I replied, "What are you talking about?"
To which she replied, "About opening up and saying you are a gay man."
Me, "Seriously? Disown me? You're being ridiculous."
Her, " No I am not you need to get that shit out of your mind now why did you post it it is sickening."
So when I came back from work I honored her request and warmed up a can of soup for dinner and spent the rest of the night in my room so I wouldn't shame her. Since then she's been talking to me, but only to make passive aggressive remarks. She told me I did nothing except "cause her heartache" and she looks at me with this mixture of hatred, shame, and disapointment.
Quite frankly, it pisses me off. I don't expect her to be all supportive and don rainbow themed clothes and march in a parade but I would like just a little support. Or if that's too much, then simply nothing. No acknowledgement, no dirty looks, no passive aggressive comments, just nothing. I can handle "nothing" better than being told I'm sickening and there is something wrong with me. So I have another chapter in the story of my uneasy relationship with my family. It's never been a great one, they don't understand me, think I'm weird because I read books and attend live theater and I'm a Democrat and they find me very strange and just don't understand me. I've grown accustomed to fact that I'm never going to have the great family relationship you see in movies or on tv or even in other families. I'm never going to have June Cleaver( RIP Barbara Billingsley) for a mother, or even a nice accepting woman for a mother. I can't change who she is, I can't make her give up her bigotry or her hatred, no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it.
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