Good evening kittens. My relationship with The Boyfriend has come to a conclusion. Time of death was 1:20 am on Thursday, March 25 2010. I should be feeling very good about this. He was much younger than me, we had very little in common, we fought a lot during the past two months, and our sex life had been nonexistant. I should be relieved it's over. But I'm not. The truth is, I'm sad. For all the problems we had, for all the times he annoyed me or pissed me off, he was still there. He still said he loved me. He still held on to me when we were sleeping, or held my hand when we were in the movie theatre. And now, he's not there and I'm sad.
I should be furious with him. I am. The breakup was not a good one. He told me he had met someone else and he wanted to see if the spark he felt when he was around this guy was going to develop into something. But he didn't want to breakup with me just yet. If it worked out to be something with this other guy, then he would break up with me. If it didn't work out, then we would just stay together. I was livid. That hurt like hell. I told him I would save him the trouble and let him go; so he could pursue this guy, or any other guy he wanted. Then I stormed out in my best As the World Turns huff. I know it's good that the relationship has ended. I know that. My logical mind tells me that. I know none of my friends liked him, that everyone thought he was immature and stupid and no one could understand why I was with him. I can't even explain why I was with him. Maybe it was the fact that he was there, available to me. It's not like I have a lot of choice offers. Whatever the reason I did love him. And now that it's over, I feel sad.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Theater, The Boyfriend, and sleep, part II
Good afternoon kittens! It's a lovely day here in Ohio and I must say the sunshine has done wonders for my mood. I've washed my bed linens and hung them on the line to dry, I currently have homemade bread rising in anticipation to be put in the oven and I'm blogging. Aren't we all lucky little kittens?
So, here is the promised second half of yesterday's post, dealing with "The Boyfriend".
So all has not been rosy in the love life of our favorite person; me. The Boyfriend has been a bit of a selfish prat lately. Our relationship has devolved into me supporting him emotionally and sometimes financially while I get absolutely nothing in return. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. At first I let it slide, because he was having mommy and daddy issues and had just moved into a new apartment, but that period has long since passed. Now I'm annoyed beyond belief and am seriously considering the breakup talk.
Some examples of the things that have been going on; he doesn't have a washer or dryer in his apartment and there are no onsite facilities so he has to go to the laundry mat or his parents to do laundry. As he was telling me this he added that he didn't know how to use the machines at a laundry mat, so me, being the Martha that I am, said I would help. I took him to the laundry mat, after I had to stop and buy him detergent because he didn't have any, and I gave him a course in laundry 101. While I was showing him the ins and outs of the proper "Martha" method for doing laundry, he got mad at me because he felt I was talking down to him like he was an idiot. I was simply instructing him on how to use the facilities. He had one basket and we had spread his clothes out between four dryers so we could get done faster. When the first dryer stopped he started folding the clothes up and putting them in the basket straight from the dryer. I said that wasn't the best idea, why not empty the basket on the table, fold the clothes there, then load the clothes into the basket when all of them were dry and folded. At this he got mad at me because I was treating him like he was stupid.
We were out shopping for groceries and other things for his apartment one Saturday. As the day progressed he said he hoped I would be paying for some of the things he was getting since his mom had stated she thought I should be helping him with stuff. I dojn't live with him. I don't spend any time at his apartment so why the hell should I be buying his stuff for him?! WTF!!!!!!??????? I told him he was a big boy and he needed to pick up the tab for his own stuff for his apartment and that his mother was fucking crazy. This is coming from the same woman who helps herself to money from his checking account anytime she wants! It is truley a rather fucked up family.
We are not having sex. It's been three months and nothing. Anytime I try to start something, there is an excuse. "I have to work early in the morning" "I don't want my roommate to feel uncomfortable" "I had half a martini and now I have a headache" and so on and so on. I'm not asking for things outlandish, just once a week or so. Now, while we're not having sex, he's still fantasizing about having a three way. He brings this up on a regular basis. I'm offended by this. He doesn't want to sleep with me when it's just the two of us, but throw some random stranger in there and it's game on. He doesn't understand why this makes me so mad. I'm hurt by it and he doesn't get it. It's not like I haven't told him point blank how it makes me feel. He just doesn't get it.
When we talk, I'm an afterthought. He goes on and on about how rough his five hour shift at Wendy's was and how tired he is because he worked such a long day, then he's done. Conversation is over in his mind. Nevermind my day. Nevermind I may have had things I wanted to talk about. He's hungry, or he's tired, or he wants to take a shower so I say goodbye if we're on the phone and feel frustrated.
I don't want to be in a relationship like this. I don't need to be in a relationship like this. I was perfectly happy being single and would be perfectly happy again. I want to be with someone who likes to listen to what I jave to say sometimes, who's interested in what I do and wants me for me. Right now; I'm not getting that from The Boyfriend. I've tried telling him, I've tried screaming it to him, I don't know if anything can work.
So there you have it kittens. The whole sordid affair. Well not all of it. I did leave some of the more graphic bits out. But I have bread ready to come out of the oven so, TTFN!!!
So, here is the promised second half of yesterday's post, dealing with "The Boyfriend".
So all has not been rosy in the love life of our favorite person; me. The Boyfriend has been a bit of a selfish prat lately. Our relationship has devolved into me supporting him emotionally and sometimes financially while I get absolutely nothing in return. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. At first I let it slide, because he was having mommy and daddy issues and had just moved into a new apartment, but that period has long since passed. Now I'm annoyed beyond belief and am seriously considering the breakup talk.
Some examples of the things that have been going on; he doesn't have a washer or dryer in his apartment and there are no onsite facilities so he has to go to the laundry mat or his parents to do laundry. As he was telling me this he added that he didn't know how to use the machines at a laundry mat, so me, being the Martha that I am, said I would help. I took him to the laundry mat, after I had to stop and buy him detergent because he didn't have any, and I gave him a course in laundry 101. While I was showing him the ins and outs of the proper "Martha" method for doing laundry, he got mad at me because he felt I was talking down to him like he was an idiot. I was simply instructing him on how to use the facilities. He had one basket and we had spread his clothes out between four dryers so we could get done faster. When the first dryer stopped he started folding the clothes up and putting them in the basket straight from the dryer. I said that wasn't the best idea, why not empty the basket on the table, fold the clothes there, then load the clothes into the basket when all of them were dry and folded. At this he got mad at me because I was treating him like he was stupid.
We were out shopping for groceries and other things for his apartment one Saturday. As the day progressed he said he hoped I would be paying for some of the things he was getting since his mom had stated she thought I should be helping him with stuff. I dojn't live with him. I don't spend any time at his apartment so why the hell should I be buying his stuff for him?! WTF!!!!!!??????? I told him he was a big boy and he needed to pick up the tab for his own stuff for his apartment and that his mother was fucking crazy. This is coming from the same woman who helps herself to money from his checking account anytime she wants! It is truley a rather fucked up family.
We are not having sex. It's been three months and nothing. Anytime I try to start something, there is an excuse. "I have to work early in the morning" "I don't want my roommate to feel uncomfortable" "I had half a martini and now I have a headache" and so on and so on. I'm not asking for things outlandish, just once a week or so. Now, while we're not having sex, he's still fantasizing about having a three way. He brings this up on a regular basis. I'm offended by this. He doesn't want to sleep with me when it's just the two of us, but throw some random stranger in there and it's game on. He doesn't understand why this makes me so mad. I'm hurt by it and he doesn't get it. It's not like I haven't told him point blank how it makes me feel. He just doesn't get it.
When we talk, I'm an afterthought. He goes on and on about how rough his five hour shift at Wendy's was and how tired he is because he worked such a long day, then he's done. Conversation is over in his mind. Nevermind my day. Nevermind I may have had things I wanted to talk about. He's hungry, or he's tired, or he wants to take a shower so I say goodbye if we're on the phone and feel frustrated.
I don't want to be in a relationship like this. I don't need to be in a relationship like this. I was perfectly happy being single and would be perfectly happy again. I want to be with someone who likes to listen to what I jave to say sometimes, who's interested in what I do and wants me for me. Right now; I'm not getting that from The Boyfriend. I've tried telling him, I've tried screaming it to him, I don't know if anything can work.
So there you have it kittens. The whole sordid affair. Well not all of it. I did leave some of the more graphic bits out. But I have bread ready to come out of the oven so, TTFN!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Theater, The Boyfriend and sleep, part 1
Hello kittens! I do apologize for my absence from your life these past couple of weeks. I've been a bit drained from directing my first show and having some major issues with the boyfriend and basically have crashed in bed as much as I can.
"What's up with the boyfriend?" you ask. "You're directing a show?!" you say. "Do tell us all the scintillating details!" you demand. Okay, here goes.
Show first. I was called by my "friend" Kathy* to direct a show for Buckeye Youth Theater called "Maggie's Magic Teapot." I italicize the word friend because Kathy and I haven't been on the best of terms for quite some time and I should have listened to that little voice that kept telling me to say no. Instead, I let my desire and ambition guide me and I said yes. BIG. MISTAKE. HUGE. MASSIVE. RIDICULOUS. I should have known better. Being a first time director, I knew I would face some challenges I didn't plan on. I accepted that. What I didn't think about was having the artistic director of the theater company start coming to the last week of my rehearsals and try to take over. She was nowhere to be seen the first five weeks of rehearsal, then BOOM! she shows up and starts thinking she's the director. She started making changes to my blocking, telling my actors to do things differently, planning extra rehearsal's for my actors without my knowledge, she stopped rehearsal to implement her changes and tried to make the set in her image of it instead of mine.
Kathy fought me on the set design; mind you she had nothing to do with building it; she kept trying to add extra things that weren't necessary and added extra work for the set crew. Her crowning achievement though was telling me two days before opening that she didn't think the show was good enough and if the changes she wanted weren't implemented she would cancel the show. Bitch. Fucking Bitch.
Now let me tell you a bit about the space we are working with. It is in a large warehouse type building that has a large dance studio space, a smaller dance studio space, a green room and a back store room. The company rents the space from the building owners. Because of this rental situation when a show is being produced, you cannot build the set until tech week, you cannot brace anything because you are not allowed to secure anything to the walls or the floor, and you have to clean everything out between performance because someone else may want to rent the space. Stupid. For lighting, they use household flood lights set into coffee cans that have been painted black and use brown household extension cords for power. Lots of extension cords. So many that it's truly a fire hazard. Nothing is secured with safety cables, the lights are simply placed with hand clamps. Very dangerous. I don't understand how they haven't been shut down for a safety violation. Or had a fire. It's incredible.
So kittens, I did realize my dream of becoming a director, the show did go up, but the experience was far more stressful than it needed to be. Hopefully my next turn in the director's chair will go more smoothly. Since I won't be working with Kathy, it should be. Only time can tell. I do know that I'm very happy that I got to direct and can't wait for my next gig. So kittens, I'm off for now; I'll give you part two about the boyfriend issues tomorrow. TTFN!!
*Names have not been changed because I don't care to protect the innocent.
"What's up with the boyfriend?" you ask. "You're directing a show?!" you say. "Do tell us all the scintillating details!" you demand. Okay, here goes.
Show first. I was called by my "friend" Kathy* to direct a show for Buckeye Youth Theater called "Maggie's Magic Teapot." I italicize the word friend because Kathy and I haven't been on the best of terms for quite some time and I should have listened to that little voice that kept telling me to say no. Instead, I let my desire and ambition guide me and I said yes. BIG. MISTAKE. HUGE. MASSIVE. RIDICULOUS. I should have known better. Being a first time director, I knew I would face some challenges I didn't plan on. I accepted that. What I didn't think about was having the artistic director of the theater company start coming to the last week of my rehearsals and try to take over. She was nowhere to be seen the first five weeks of rehearsal, then BOOM! she shows up and starts thinking she's the director. She started making changes to my blocking, telling my actors to do things differently, planning extra rehearsal's for my actors without my knowledge, she stopped rehearsal to implement her changes and tried to make the set in her image of it instead of mine.
Kathy fought me on the set design; mind you she had nothing to do with building it; she kept trying to add extra things that weren't necessary and added extra work for the set crew. Her crowning achievement though was telling me two days before opening that she didn't think the show was good enough and if the changes she wanted weren't implemented she would cancel the show. Bitch. Fucking Bitch.
Now let me tell you a bit about the space we are working with. It is in a large warehouse type building that has a large dance studio space, a smaller dance studio space, a green room and a back store room. The company rents the space from the building owners. Because of this rental situation when a show is being produced, you cannot build the set until tech week, you cannot brace anything because you are not allowed to secure anything to the walls or the floor, and you have to clean everything out between performance because someone else may want to rent the space. Stupid. For lighting, they use household flood lights set into coffee cans that have been painted black and use brown household extension cords for power. Lots of extension cords. So many that it's truly a fire hazard. Nothing is secured with safety cables, the lights are simply placed with hand clamps. Very dangerous. I don't understand how they haven't been shut down for a safety violation. Or had a fire. It's incredible.
So kittens, I did realize my dream of becoming a director, the show did go up, but the experience was far more stressful than it needed to be. Hopefully my next turn in the director's chair will go more smoothly. Since I won't be working with Kathy, it should be. Only time can tell. I do know that I'm very happy that I got to direct and can't wait for my next gig. So kittens, I'm off for now; I'll give you part two about the boyfriend issues tomorrow. TTFN!!
*Names have not been changed because I don't care to protect the innocent.
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