Hello kittens! This is one of those posts where I bitch and whine and feel a bit sorry for myself. What's that you say? You don't like whining? Oh well. I don't do it often and quite frankly I don't care if you don't like it. Don't read the post if you don't like it.
I'm thinking of starting a website for "Forgotten Fairies". Forgotten Fairies are the gay BFF's of straight single girls who get cast aside after the straight single girl meets a straight single man. After the meeting of the hetero's the gay bff inevitably is cast aside, and fades into obscurity. This can happen quite suddenly or very slowly over time. I've experienced the spectrum of this phenomenon; being dropped like an amputated limb, and fading slowly out of the picture. Neither is very pleasant. For while the straight girl has her straight man making her feel wanted and loved and the happy straight couple have each other, the gay is forgotten. Where once the gay and his best girlfriend had fun times together drinking cocktails and dishing the latest gossip, or people watching while dining alfresco, or being catty high school bitches about people we know; these scenarios cease to happen. The energy flow is disrupted by the addition of the straight man. No matter how awesome the straight man is, the homojoe between the gay and the straight girl is lost.
Examples of this abound. Think of Will and Grace when Grace ran off and married Leo. Or Karen and Jack when Finster came into the picture. Carrie Bradshaw and Stanford Blanche. And I have several friends I could make examples of but they shall remain nameless. The point is if you know a gay you can probably find an example of the Forgotten Fairy Phenomenon.
This is not entirely a hopeless situation though. There is potential to fix the relationship, as long as both parties are willing to work for it. The gay must understand that he will never be able to fill the spot that the straight man occupies in the straight girls life. It's not possible. While the gay is fun he doesn't fill the space that only a straight man can fill. A straight girl can only tolerate so much glitter and Liza.
On the other hand, the straight girl must realize that the gay is still the same fabulous fun loving friend that was there every time your ex was a total ass; the gay was there to help you pick out that fabulous outfit that landed you the job you wanted like a supermodel wants a cheeseburger. Your gay was there when your ex broke up with you by simply refusing to return your calls. Your gay hates your crazy boss because she makes you crazy. Your gay has been through a lot with you and now that you have someone else your gay feels lost.
So, I'm going to start a website for all the forgotten fairies out there. A place where we can gather and be found by single straight girls. Think of it as matchmaking site for fairies and their princesses.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day
Happy Memorial Day kittens! I hope everyone is enjoying the day off, spending time with family and friends or taking advantage of some nice alone time like I am. I do need to apologize for my lax posting habits lately; I've had a rather stressful few weeks and didn't feel like sharing with you all but that has changed. I have commited to writing at least Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, per the advice of my friend Sarah, so look forward to more frequent posts in the future.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Don't piss me off bitches.
The following is an open letter to anyone thinking about pissing me off going forward. I wouldn't recomend it. Bad idea. Stupid. Huge mistake. Huge! The nice guy that would take anything from you and quietly seeth while doing it is gone. I'm taking the leash off. I refuse to be pushed around, stepped on, used, taken advantage of, screwed over, fucked, or anything else you might think about doing. It's time I fight back. It's high time I refuse to give you any power over me. It's time you realize I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you think I am and more powerful than you give me credit for. It's time you realize you're not dealing with the paper boy. You're dealing with an extremely talented, smart, arrogant, resourceful, loud-mouthed, angry faggot who refuses to be pushed around anymore. So my final thought to you; and you know who you are; is BRING IT ON.
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Mouse
Good afternoon kittens! I've been a busy little beaver the past several days. As I was perusing the job postings on Playbill.com I found out that Disney World was holding open auditions on April 16; and, since I'm still unemployed; I decided "what tyhe hell?, I'll go for it. Who knows what might happen." So on Thursday I boarded an Airtran flight for the land of Mickey Mouse. I have to say, it was great landing in Orlando where it was warm and green without the slightest hint of the Ohio spring I left behind.
So on Friday I went to Disney's Animal Kingdom Rehearsal facility for the audition. It was an open cattle call for men that, in my opinion, had a rather low turnout. After waiting for two and a half hours listening to a very annoying Latina girlfromBrooklynwhostudiedtheaterincollegeandwroteherownshowthatwassupposedtobeadramabutwhenitwasreadbyherprofessorsturnedintoacomedyandshewasntworriedaboutthedisneyauditionbecauseshecanstillpassfor17onfilmeventhoughsheisreally23
yes kittens this is how she talked, and it annoyed me to no end. I think she just wanted to hear her own voice. Anyway, after waiting I was finally called back and I had my moment. We were asked to prepare a one minute monologue, so I did Coathanger sculpture from "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" I finished, and they thanked me for coming out, said I had great comedic timing, but didn't fit anything they were casting for right now. Well that sucks. But, truthfully I'm not surprised. I saw what they were keeping. They were all older, or more colorfully skinned than I was and most were a good deal more fit. So I'm ok with it. They told me to come back, that maybe I would fit something in the future. I'm good with that. I've been on their side of the casting table and understand what it's like. So I'll try again. It was a great experience and one I've definately learned stuff from. Like I need to get my fat but into a decent shape. Because couch potato is not a desirable shape. So that will be a new series for all of you to enjoy. I think if I'm reporting to someone, I'll make a better effort than if I had no accountability at all.
So kittens, you have something new to look forward to. That and a report on the rest of my trip. I was gone all weekend and did have a fantastically slutty time on Friday night in Orlando. I'll tell you all about that later. TTFN!
So on Friday I went to Disney's Animal Kingdom Rehearsal facility for the audition. It was an open cattle call for men that, in my opinion, had a rather low turnout. After waiting for two and a half hours listening to a very annoying Latina girlfromBrooklynwhostudiedtheaterincollegeandwroteherownshowthatwassupposedtobeadramabutwhenitwasreadbyherprofessorsturnedintoacomedyandshewasntworriedaboutthedisneyauditionbecauseshecanstillpassfor17onfilmeventhoughsheisreally23
yes kittens this is how she talked, and it annoyed me to no end. I think she just wanted to hear her own voice. Anyway, after waiting I was finally called back and I had my moment. We were asked to prepare a one minute monologue, so I did Coathanger sculpture from "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" I finished, and they thanked me for coming out, said I had great comedic timing, but didn't fit anything they were casting for right now. Well that sucks. But, truthfully I'm not surprised. I saw what they were keeping. They were all older, or more colorfully skinned than I was and most were a good deal more fit. So I'm ok with it. They told me to come back, that maybe I would fit something in the future. I'm good with that. I've been on their side of the casting table and understand what it's like. So I'll try again. It was a great experience and one I've definately learned stuff from. Like I need to get my fat but into a decent shape. Because couch potato is not a desirable shape. So that will be a new series for all of you to enjoy. I think if I'm reporting to someone, I'll make a better effort than if I had no accountability at all.
So kittens, you have something new to look forward to. That and a report on the rest of my trip. I was gone all weekend and did have a fantastically slutty time on Friday night in Orlando. I'll tell you all about that later. TTFN!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Recipe Roundup
Good afternoon kittens. It's time for a yummy new recipe in the Recipe Roundup series. Last night I made yummy grilled chicken with homemade barbeque sauce and fried potatoes. The sauce I made was Amahhhhhhhhzing so I'm blessing you all with the recipe. I'd love to get my readers favorite grilling recipes since spring has sprung upon us here in Ohio. Feel free to leave them in the comments section after you've tried this sauce.
Six pack of your favorite dark beer
one medium onion chopped
three cloves of garlic chopped
1 cup ketchup
4 or 5 tbsp mustard
couple of dashes worcestershire sauce
4 tbsp brown sugar
hot sauce
juice of one lemon
olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
In a cast iron skillet add two to three tablespoons of olive oil. Add onion and garlic and cook over medium heat until onion begins to soften. Add one bottle of beer. Bring to a simmer. In a two cup measuring cup combine remaining ingredients to taste. If you want more heat, add extra hot sauce. More sweetness, add extra sugar. You get the idea. There aren't many rules to this recipe. Add beer from a second bottle to ketchup mixture to bring it to 2 cups, then finish off remaining bottles of beer yourself. After onion and beer has come to a simmer add in ketchup mixture. Stir to combine then bring back to a full simmer. Let sauce cook until it has thickened then apply liberally to your favorite grilled foods.
Six pack of your favorite dark beer
one medium onion chopped
three cloves of garlic chopped
1 cup ketchup
4 or 5 tbsp mustard
couple of dashes worcestershire sauce
4 tbsp brown sugar
hot sauce
juice of one lemon
olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
In a cast iron skillet add two to three tablespoons of olive oil. Add onion and garlic and cook over medium heat until onion begins to soften. Add one bottle of beer. Bring to a simmer. In a two cup measuring cup combine remaining ingredients to taste. If you want more heat, add extra hot sauce. More sweetness, add extra sugar. You get the idea. There aren't many rules to this recipe. Add beer from a second bottle to ketchup mixture to bring it to 2 cups, then finish off remaining bottles of beer yourself. After onion and beer has come to a simmer add in ketchup mixture. Stir to combine then bring back to a full simmer. Let sauce cook until it has thickened then apply liberally to your favorite grilled foods.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A gamble
Good morning kittens! I hope you all had a lovely Easter and that the Easter bunny brought you yummy chocolates and money filled plastic eggs. The little bastard wasn't so kind to me; he brought the ex-boyfriend knocking on my door. But, that's a story for later.
I had my first casino experience on Good Friday. I know, what better way to celebrate my people crucifing Jesus than to go to the riverboat, right? Anyway I went and can say I had a good time. I went in armed with a plan. I took 40 dollars cash in with and nothing else. If I lost that, so be it. I would lose anymore. However, sitting in that smoke-filled room with the flashing lights and ringing bells, I can understand how people go in there and lose hundreds of dollars. I can understand how it can become an addiction, how people just wait for that next "big one". I was fortunate. I turned my 40 dollars into 270 dollars fairly quickly and quit while I was ahead. But it was very tempting to keep going.
Every time I won some money, the bells and whistles would go off, and the machine would flash it's lights, and I would feel a little twinge of excitement. Who wouldn't, knowing they're winning money? I'm just happy that I knew when to quit and left with cash on hand instead of losing every bit of it. It would be very easy.
I had my first casino experience on Good Friday. I know, what better way to celebrate my people crucifing Jesus than to go to the riverboat, right? Anyway I went and can say I had a good time. I went in armed with a plan. I took 40 dollars cash in with and nothing else. If I lost that, so be it. I would lose anymore. However, sitting in that smoke-filled room with the flashing lights and ringing bells, I can understand how people go in there and lose hundreds of dollars. I can understand how it can become an addiction, how people just wait for that next "big one". I was fortunate. I turned my 40 dollars into 270 dollars fairly quickly and quit while I was ahead. But it was very tempting to keep going.
Every time I won some money, the bells and whistles would go off, and the machine would flash it's lights, and I would feel a little twinge of excitement. Who wouldn't, knowing they're winning money? I'm just happy that I knew when to quit and left with cash on hand instead of losing every bit of it. It would be very easy.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The boyfriend saga; concluded.
Good evening kittens. My relationship with The Boyfriend has come to a conclusion. Time of death was 1:20 am on Thursday, March 25 2010. I should be feeling very good about this. He was much younger than me, we had very little in common, we fought a lot during the past two months, and our sex life had been nonexistant. I should be relieved it's over. But I'm not. The truth is, I'm sad. For all the problems we had, for all the times he annoyed me or pissed me off, he was still there. He still said he loved me. He still held on to me when we were sleeping, or held my hand when we were in the movie theatre. And now, he's not there and I'm sad.
I should be furious with him. I am. The breakup was not a good one. He told me he had met someone else and he wanted to see if the spark he felt when he was around this guy was going to develop into something. But he didn't want to breakup with me just yet. If it worked out to be something with this other guy, then he would break up with me. If it didn't work out, then we would just stay together. I was livid. That hurt like hell. I told him I would save him the trouble and let him go; so he could pursue this guy, or any other guy he wanted. Then I stormed out in my best As the World Turns huff. I know it's good that the relationship has ended. I know that. My logical mind tells me that. I know none of my friends liked him, that everyone thought he was immature and stupid and no one could understand why I was with him. I can't even explain why I was with him. Maybe it was the fact that he was there, available to me. It's not like I have a lot of choice offers. Whatever the reason I did love him. And now that it's over, I feel sad.
I should be furious with him. I am. The breakup was not a good one. He told me he had met someone else and he wanted to see if the spark he felt when he was around this guy was going to develop into something. But he didn't want to breakup with me just yet. If it worked out to be something with this other guy, then he would break up with me. If it didn't work out, then we would just stay together. I was livid. That hurt like hell. I told him I would save him the trouble and let him go; so he could pursue this guy, or any other guy he wanted. Then I stormed out in my best As the World Turns huff. I know it's good that the relationship has ended. I know that. My logical mind tells me that. I know none of my friends liked him, that everyone thought he was immature and stupid and no one could understand why I was with him. I can't even explain why I was with him. Maybe it was the fact that he was there, available to me. It's not like I have a lot of choice offers. Whatever the reason I did love him. And now that it's over, I feel sad.
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